Now, on to the fun stuff :). I'm not so sure what's gotten in to me lately... I've never been one to go out much, I hardly ever drink and I have never had a shot.. until last weekend. I do believe this is the only time in my life I've ever acted like an actual 22 year old college student. And let me just admit it upfront, I didn't hate it. I mean, I definitely don't intend on making these activities a regular part of my life.. it's too expensive and I won't take on the title of a "partier." Over my dead body. I've come up with 2 conclusions on why this sudden urge of "outgoingness" (for all intents and purposes) has come over me the past 2 weeks.

1. I'm completely and utterly insane.

2. I've been so stressed and worried about the future and what I wanna do, that I got tired of worrying and decided to work out my stress in another way.

I'm going to go with option #2. I feel like everyone has a time in their life when they just have to let loose.. I guess I've reached mine. When you focus your entire life on being perfect, living in fear that you're going to let someone down.. it's absolutely exhausting. It's amazing what you don't know about yourself... and hearing how other people perceive you can give you a whole new outlook on things... my mentor was the first person to clue me in on myself. I always thought it was a joke when people said I was a 40 year old stuck in a 22 year olds body.. but then I realized I was missing out on my life. Trying to consistently be something, hold an image and never ever leave the box because you're afraid to try new things or afraid of being caught... it was hindering me from any and every type of fun. I needed to breakout and realize that I can have fun and enjoy my life without going overboard. Right or wrong I don't regret anything I've done over the past few weeks. It was harmless fun.. I didn't hurt anyone or myself and I did absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

This brings me to my next point. Those of you who know me well know that my BIGGEST pet peeve is people that do things and then try to cover them up by pretending like it didn't happen. I hate this. If you're going to do something, whatever it may be, then do it, but own up to it. Don't pretend like you're this perfect person that doesn't make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone sins, it's the way of life. But when you try to sell people the idea that "you're this and you're that and you don't do this or that" it makes other people feel bad. I'm not saying if you're against drinking, do it to follow the crowd. I'm just saying don't "nonchalantly" drop comments to someone else that "you've NEVER done that because it's not Christianly" I MEEEEEEEAN. COME ON. That does nothing but cause a riot and upset the other person. "Holier than thou" acts are not respectable. I've always been the kind of person that respects people for who they are. Who they REALLY are. Those who go through horrible times, whether it be partying or family situations or whatever.. but they own it, they look back on those issues and say you know what, this sucks and I was a terrible person back then, but here I am now. I've risen above this and it's brought me to this level. Admiration. Complete and utter admiration.THAT is Christianity.. learning from each other. Helping one another become better everyday. Everyone has a story.. it's like when you read a 5 year old a story book.. you don't skip over the beginning to get to the happy ending. You read the drama, and the incident that happens and it builds to form a plot and a decision has to be made... THEN after all of that... they live happily ever after. That's how I feel about human lives. You can't block out things that happened in the past and pretend they never happened. That's when it gets confusing and you lose yourself and you try to change the person you are rather than growing in to the person you always have been. I see so many people do this and it makes me so sad. Especially friends. I just want people to be real with me.. I can handle it, I don't judge and I'll never think you're bad because of decisions YOU'VE made in YOUR life. Notice the "you" pattern? Sorry for the sudden urge of ventation, it's just been on my mind lately and I hate the feeling of judgement and I definitely don't want anyone to think I'm passing it on them. And those that do pass judgement, rethink things.

Everyone has a story. I wanna hear yours. Trust me....... I love stories and secrets. They're always safe with me.

As Always, ♥♥♥

So, due to the fact that I've been MIA lately, I have decided to post 2 blogs this morning. The first being a dedication to my all time FAVORITE show EVER... Gossip Girl. I am in love with these photos! Then again, I'm also in love with the cast. All photos credited to www.weheartit.com
xo La

It's 6:21am... I've been up since 3.... something's not right. Just sayin. No one should be this awake at that time of morning. Not to mention the fact I didn't go to bed until 2. Oh well. Time to blog some inspiration as I listen to the birds chirp and cars driving by outside my window.

Yet again it's 12:30am, I can't sleep so I've resorted to sorting out my head on my blog. I guess it's a habit that has never really gone away... I can remember back when I was younger, whenever I couldn't sleep I would always write in my diary. I used to love to write.. when I was in the 5th grade my ultimate goal in life was to be a screenwriter... at the time I didn't know what the correct term was, but I knew I wanted to write movies. My, how the times have changed.

My brain has been on overdrive lately. A lot has been going on, but I haven't really talked to anyone about anything.. I guess because there's too much to say... too much to explain to someone that hasn't seen it or lived with it. To say that I've been upset isn't really a true statement. I've been distracted most definitely, but not so much upset. I think my emotions have become immune to poor family situations... especially when it comes to my father and his moronic tactics. There's only so many times a person can hurt someone (in this case many people) by their selfishness. I understand being angry... but I also understand that there's a way to handle your anger and frustrations and it doesn't involve rage. A girls dad is supposed to be the person that protects her... that makes her feel safe.... I can honestly say I don't think I've ever felt that. I've never taken any advice from him, nor do I respect his point of view in most cases. Good intentions only get you so far. My sister told me the other night that sometimes she felt like if something ever happened to my dad I would be sad for a second and then I would be over it. I really can't believe I'm admitting this, but a part of me knows she's right. How terrible is that? I mean I'm not saying I'm wishing anything bad on anyone, but I've seriously thought about that before. Is my heart really so cold towards my own father and his actions that I can't even cringe at the thought of that? The other part of me worries how badly he's screwed me up... will I ever trust anyone enough to let them near my heart? It's kind of a scary thought. I try to push it away and I've been successful at doing so thus far, but some days it comes back to haunt me. I guess everyone has that real-life reoccurring nightmare at some point in their lifetime... this must be mine.

All things work together for good for those who love the Lord.

xo. Goodnight Bloggers.

I have been MIA... so sorry. Alas spring is near and I can hardly wait! Spring time in Franklin is the best.. flowers bloom, everything becomes green and everyone is out and about downtown eating frozen yogurt, drinking iced coffee and pondering Main Street with cheesy grins plastered on their faces. It's wonderful.

This week is spring break, I just wish it felt more like spring time. However, a break is a break none-the-less and so far it's been great. My body didn't budge from my bed until around 2pm this afternoon... breakfast followed. I have really got to stay away from making that a routine seeing as it's 1am and I am WIDE awake. Spring break won't be all fun and games seeing as my main goal is to finish my art history paper, did I mention I've barely started? I'm giving myself a break though because I had to order my books from Amazon and they haven't arrived yet. As SOON as they do, I'll be on the ball. Tomorrow marks the start of studying as well... a week + half until another brutal art history exam.... I aced the last, I plan on doing the same to this one and the final.

In other news, I'll be meeting with a label on Wed to talk about an internship and possibly a job. I'm not getting my hopes up, but it seems like a good opportunity. Other than that we'll see where things go. At this point, I know I want to do publicity, and I know I want to work in entertainment, the details will fall in to place. I think I've finally given up on stressing... my skin was starting to hate me for it.. and I'm too young to have a heart attack because of high blood pressure.



Speaking of not being stressed, this weekend was a great example. I haven't had that much fun in a long time. Megan and I decided to go to downtown Franklin to hang out while Brewfest was going on buuuut we didn't have tickets.. until our awesome friend Merissa gave us 2 extra wrist bands that they had! So we did that for a while, went to 55 South and had a blast... I haven't laughed that hard or enjoyed a time out with friends like that in a long time. I'm hoping to turn my cell phone off, shut down the computer, and enjoy REAL life this week. I want to explore new places and relax because I think it'll do my mind a world of good.

Anyway. That's about all I have for tonight (this morning?) bloggers. I love you all.
♥♥♥

"The Secret of Life is a Good Cup of Coffee, the Secret of Life is Keep Your Eye on the Ball"

Okkk I give, I missed my old blog! Tumblr was cool, definitely liked the layout a lot, BUT I missed following everyone on here! It's so much easier to keep up.

Where to begin? The past few weeks have been tough. There are many reasons why, but none of them change the fact that every worry, annoyance and tear that has fallen down my face has been self-inflicted. I'm letting people get to me (old habits die hard) and forgetting to keep my eye on the ball. It's spring semester and stress tends to build easier and faster than any other time in my life. I'm all out of sorts and sometimes I forget what I want. I'm blaming it on ADD, although I know that's not the case. People always tell me I'm a 22 year old trapped inside a 40 year old's mindset, so I suppose I can call this an early mid-life crisis? Can't I just buy a convertible or something instead? That'd be great. Alas, at the end of the day, I'll be fine. Things work out.. all in good time, I suppose. Wait...wait... waiting.

It's 12:30am and I'm hardly tired. I feel like it's 6pm. Almost jet lagged? Oh how I wish that were the case. I follow a number of people in the fashion industry on my twitter; and lately they've ALL been posting at odd hours of the night.. it took me a little while to realize they're in Europe... meaning they're 8 hours ahead of me, haha. I was very confused as to why all of these fashion events were going on while I was asleep.. NYC is only an hour ahead! I miss NYC a little more everyday... I miss my life a little more everyday... I'm ready to rediscover it.. so soon.

♥ ♥ ♥

Signing letters with x's and o's

Welp. I attempted to switch to tumblr. And I admit I do like it better, but all of my friends are on blogspot and it makes it easier to keep up with everyone's posts. So, I'm baaack.